ever optimistic

One morning, his majesty the lion calls all the animals in the jungle to a meeting. "Right", says the lion, "I want every one of you to go out hunting and bring me back as much meat as you can. Anyone who fails to bring me back meat, I will batter to death with my cock". Later that day, a rabbit turns up with a basket of carrots. "You have to understand your majesty, I am a rabbit, I can't hunt, but I have brought you a basket of carrots". The lion towers over the rabbit and starts battering it with his dick. The rabbit cries, laughs, cries, laughs..... "Why are you crying" says the lion? "It hurts" says the rabbit"." And why the fuck are you laughing?" says the lion. "I've just seen the hedgehog" says the rabbit, "and he's gathering mushrooms"!

A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an ad for 'Bear Removers.' He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes.
The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.
'What are you going to do,' the homeowner asks?
'I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I'm going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.'
He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.
'What's the shotgun for?' asks the homeowner.

'If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog.'

One day a father finishes work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person, 'How much for one of those Barbies in the display window?' The salesperson answers, 'Which one do you mean, Sir? We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95'.

The amazed father asks: 'It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?'

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: 'Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer, one of Ken's Friends, and a key chain made with Ken's balls.

Had a trip out yesterday on a friends boat from Portishead yesterday. Target was sole and bass which I failed at miserably. My mate on the other hand had 4 nice sole and a bass. I did manage thornbacks and straps though. Below is my mates haul and a picture of mine!

So on Sunday evening I was down the boat, full of fuel already, thanks to mate who sorted that out 🙂 
It was pretty cold down there but nice and snug in my sleeping bag, alarm set for 06:15 as Ian ( @headlight) was due to meet me on boat at 06:30. Woke up to voices ar 06:00…. He was already there, so quickly got dressed and, called the pier head to sneak out of free flow 🙂 we were out of the marina by 06:15 🙂 
A little over 2 hours later we started our drift, chum out, rods out put the kettle on and 5 mins later Ian was into a nice blue giving him the run around 🤣🤣🤣
Thats how it went all day…. Constant fish. 24 blues, best going 140lb at least 5 over a ton, most 80-90lb. 
 
If it was quiet, I mixed up some fresh chum, to boost the chum and straight away into fish. I can’t stress enough why you need regular chum and keep that chum bag releasing well all day! 
 
We could of had more as we had a few in the slick at end of the day we were sight fishing for but these we’re smaller ones, only 70lb so after chatting to the crew with achy arms we headed home. Was right call as wind got up and got a bit of sorwy coming in from easterly wind. Back into Marina just before 7pm. Long day but worth jt 🙂 
Nice to get Odyssey back on the sharks, now for something a little bigger maybe 🤔🤔🤔
Pics to follow once I get them sent over 

Last one for a while 😉 
 
 
 

A bloke was sitting at the side of the road crying his eyes out, his dead hamster in his hands.  A fairy godmother asked him what the matter was. He said “I loved my pet hamster and it just died ”. The fairy godmother said “Well I can’t bring it back to life, but I can suggest that you can make some good of the situation”. The bloke asked “How do I do that ?” The fairy godmother replied “Go home put the hamster in a pan and add a bag of sugar. Heat the pan up stirring well and simmer for an hour. Allow to cool, pour it onto your garden and see what happens”. The bloke did exactly as she suggested. The next day, he went into the garden and there were masses of daffodils everywhere! He ran back to the road where he’d seen the fairy godmother and she reappeared and asked the bloke how he’d got on.  He said “It’s fantastic, there are daffodils everywhere!” The fairy godmother replied “That’s really strange, you usually get tulips from hamster jam!”🤣🤣

Total disaster today …… I got my viagra pills mixed up with my sleeping pills . !!!! Just had forty wanks .

i can attest that sheepshead fight well and taste even better. Luke hold your horses i'm getting my passport.

Well first time down to Jigabite since COVID appeared. Previously Terry had gear everywhere in the house - now there’s a very smart and well stocked purpose built gear studio at the bottom of the garden. Lots more U.K. targeted gear - thanks to COVID and anglers not hitting tropical waters. The guy with the Iceland carrier bags was disappointed that Terry didn’t have any Mackerel feathers 🙄
i parted with a couple of jiggin rods I’d been eyeing for a while - must say great to actually get to bend a rod rather than buying blind. Nice Maxel reel and a host of other bits filled my Iceland carrier bag. I’ll post the rod pics tomorrow.

Well, I haven't had an apologetic call from the dry stack team, so I can only assume she's still safe and sound...
 
 
....either that or they're still busy calling everyone else on the rack and they haven't got down to my name yet! 😱🤣

i can attest that sheepshead fight well and taste even better. Luke hold your horses i'm getting my passport.

the dry stack people should lift the top row down onto cradles if the wind is from a dangerous direction, my boat is in the stack with dale sailing in neyland pembs, and thats what they did .